We often listen and read about what we should do to become a better person and as we read through the article we keep check every point, yes I am kind to all people, yes I help whoever needs help.
But it is not only about what we should do, expanding our limits and getting out of the comfort zone by knowing what we should not do might help us to improve.
I observe myself and observe others, I noticed a few bad attitudes that will make a person unhappy, less likable, less friendly and even to the extent that people might choose to avoid them.
People who felt avoided by others justify this by convincing themselves that they don’t belong to this world and that the world of full of not so good people, and it is true, but in some cases, the problem lies within ourselves.
Yes, the world full of bad people who hurt us intentionally, but it is not always that way, we may if we look the other way around and observe ourselves we might find another whole new aspect of ourselves.
Here is a list of the 7 bad attitudes I find the most destructive, and I am not perfect I am definitely guilty of some of them, but what matters is that I am aware and working on myself to improve, and so should you.
ASKING WHY
When something good happens to us we don’t ask why, because we think we deserve it. But if something bad happens, one asks, why me? Why did this happen?
By following this approach we are only increasing our suffering because it is often a question without an answer. It will hinder us from behaving good and solve our problems wisely.
Often bad things happen because they direct us to something good that will happen later in our lives, and sometimes they do not redirect us to anything at all, but there is a definitely a wisdom behind it, and we might live our life until the last day without knowing why, nor the wisdom that we can take out of it.
So by asking why? There is no way to win by knowing the answer, we will always lose and no one wants to lose. So let it be, don’t stress yourself trying to figure out the answers to everything.
NOT WANTING TO LET GO
Whatever happens, happens, we lost our jobs, we lost a friend, someone hurt us, life brings us down with its catastrophic events. Would it help if we set there and cry over them? Is it the best idea to let these events affect how we live our lives? Certainly, not.
By not letting go we are holding ourselves back in life, we let ourselves relive the bad events every single day.
Letting go is not that easy, but it is worth the try, it will take time.
Personally I spent a whole year in despair because I did not want to let go, and by the end of the year I found out that I am the one who is losing and was not able to live my life to the fullest.
Let go and move on.
WINNING ARGUMENTS
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
Stephen R. Covey.
The quote says it all, especially nowadays people enter arguments for wining. Congratulations if you ever won a noble prize for winning an argument.
Having conversations with the intent to win, won’t let you listen carefully to what the other side of the conversation has to say. You will make yourself the center of the attention and you will be only listening to yourself.
Politics and sports are the topics with the most debates and there is no wrong or right in them, it is often where you stand and what your point of view is.
Some decided to avoid any arguments because they ended up to be serious conflicts instead and even losing people because of them.
Just listen, debate thoughtfully, and you always have the right to disagree.
And who knows, you might end up learning something new if you begin to listen more.
“Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.”
Bill Nye.
VICTIMIZING YOURSELF
We are all victims in this world, don’t you think?
We all suffer, we all go through things that will haunt us and not leave us until they make sure we have fallen to the ground, we all have been there, the rich and the poor, the healthy and the ill, the older and the younger. Everyone.
But, some victimize themselves on purpose, in order to get something or just to have people’s attention, so they feel sorry for them and as a result, treat them better.
Unfortunately, by victimizing yourself, you are only putting pressure on your close ones. And people will more likely to avoid you.
Because by them listening to your complains all the time, they also look inside of themselves, and see all the mess, and don’t see any difference and yet you are the one who is getting their attention.
They also believe they need attention, so they will avoid you because it simply draining their energy by listing to you.
Some cross the limits and fake things that are not even happening for the sake of being a victim, they might end up with ones who would take advantage of them and leave them in true chaos.
EGO
I believe that the ones who have their ego a number one priority will end up the most regretful.
How many times did you hurt someone to let your ego win? how many times did you mess perfect opportunities to let your ego win? how many times you did not listen enough and you are the one who does the talking to let your ego win? How many times did you put yourself first over someone else? The List goes on and on.
You might think if you let down your ego you will have to compromise, but it does not work that way.
Letting go of your ego is more of respecting yourself and the others, being able to understand their situations and to be compassionate, also it allows you to be flexible in your relationships with people.
DENYING FAVOURS
Imagine you stand with someone in all of their tough times, sacrifice your time for them, doing everything you can just to make them better, but they deny you and your favor, even worse they might say that they have gone through it all on their own without any help.
You will be stunned, it truly can stun you.
And the remaining feelings you have for them will freeze.
Appreciating people’s effort, and being thankful to them is the kindest thing you must do.
MAKING YOURSELF THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE
All people don’t matter even your close ones, what matters is you and it always you!
You talk about yourself all the time, your problems, your success, your life, and you don’t let yourself listen to other people’s talk.
Because you think that your life is more problematic Than theirs, or your life is more interesting than theirs. You have a better job than them, you have better everything and they don’t, or either you have the worst of everything.
To the extent that you can turn out to be sarcastic of others and their life, saying why they are making this a big deal if they were me they would have died. Saying why they are making such huge propaganda on their small achievements, if they were me they would have partied every day.
And when you ask for help, you want people to be present no matter what they are doing, no matter where they are.
And if they can’t, you complain about how they were not there for you.
You talk about yourself as if it is the universe depends on it.
How unattractive this can be? how much you can make people think less of themselves?
Imagine it is a conversation between a father and his son, where the father constantly and only talking about his life and he does not care what his son is saying. How unconfident his son will be? how much he can possibly have of self-esteem? how much he will avoid people because of how unimportant he thinks he is and his talk?
It is not only unattractive but also destructive to others and yourself.
IN CONCLUSION
Stop paying much attention to the world, and focus on yourself be mindful of your actions and how you treat people, only by then you will notice your flaws and your best qualities. Enhancing the latter. And improving the first.
Well, not 100% sure of the upcoming sentence but they say: to be the change you want to see in the world and the world will obey, it might be true. It might not. And it might be both, true and false.
And these were the 7 approaches and attitudes you should avoid, not only you but also me. In the end, Be kind, Be nice to everyone and to every creature. Peace!
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