When it comes to relationships, I don’t call myself lucky. I had 2 or 3 relationships in my whole life. And I had nothing out of them but lessons.
Some relationships were proper, where two stays together till death do them part. “Literally death did us apart in the first one, despite that it was based on a lie.” others felt just like a transit phase, does not do much to you, just you have to wait and see.
In the beginning, I used to think that love is all heaven and flowers, though the happy moments I had, it was much of a struggle as well.
Not to complain, I accept the fact that nothing is perfect, relationships are meant to go through tough moments but also amazing ones. The thing is, the end of my relationships was not peaceful.
These relationships taught me lots of things, here are the 10 things I have learned.
Don’t Change Myself For Someone Just Because I Love Them
Yes, I have changed who I am just to satisfy him and make him happy, but I found it that I am not happy, and it was the worst thing I ever did to myself.
What was even worse, is that he did not prefer it when I tried to show him my true self, so instead of leaving it all together I continued and became whatever he wanted me to be.
Don’t Ask For Attention
It was a big effort; I wanted to spend time with him, I want to laugh and create memories with him, but he did not always give me his time, so I asked for his attention. To spend with them a few more minutes, to truly care about me, and not just ask me “How am I?” And that is it.
Asking for their attention was draining my energy and I was most of the time left disappointed.
“I am busy.” was the only common sentence between them all.
And I want to make a disclaimer: I understand that everyone can be busy in their life, I am not saying that they should leave their job and whatever they are doing for the sake of me, that is obviously not what I meant. What I am referring to, is that I should not feel lonely while in a relationship. Not even trying to get back to me after they are done with their day.
Don’t Pour Myself Into them
I poured myself and my whole life into those relationships. I focused on him and thought only about him, I was doing my best to make him comfortable and to be able to find me as soon as possible whenever he needs me.
It was not the wisest thing I have done, because it felt like an obsession more than love.
Don’t Give A Second Chance
Giving a second chances can work in some relationships, I thought it would for me, but I could not fix what was already broken, especially after giving the second chance, we went back to do the same thing we used to do, there were not many changes to guarantee that that relationship would work in one way or another.
That what I thought falling in love with someone can do to me, you know a man with the elder wand can do wonders but something like that does not exist, I thought relationships would mend my broken pieces, but they did not and they will never do.
Everything comes from within. If I am not able to love myself then no one will make me, in fact, I might have affected them negatively for not loving myself enough as much as I would love them.
Love Without Logic
When you love someone, it is easy to fall for their lies.
I have been there, I loved him but things were not logical. I am over-thinker by nature, I always wonder about the different possibilities. If in reality, things are that way why he told me otherwise, I suspected, but I made excuse, maybe he is this, maybe he is that.
I let myself believe all the lies while being 70% aware of how the situation really was.
By the end, lies become 100% obvious, and I could not make a single excuse and that is where I was hurt the most.
Never Set Expectations
Loving someone made me put very high expectations in them, which most of the time left me frustrated because things between us did not go as I have expected, I did not understand by then that they are humans too, they can’t always meet my expectations nor I can meet theirs.
I believe now that partners should let themselves be, accept one another for who they are, and not expect anything good nor bad. Let things go smoothly. Let them surprise you, in a good way.
As you may have noticed, most of the things I learned in my past relationships were originally oriented from the mistakes I have done, I am still trying to get the hang of relationships, but for the time being, I don’t want any.
I think I will be better off that way. Though it feels magical to be in love and to be loved by someone, I need to focus on myself, determine first how I want my life to be, and achieve my goals. sounds cliche, right?
One thing I am scared of is pushing away the right person, but if he is the ‘right person’, shouldn’t he stay no matter what?
Should I change myself?