Dilemma

Same pattern of thoughts
Of people
Of Conversations
No need to distinguish
They are all the same
The ones you want
The pattern in your head
Living in a Dilemma
Where circles never end
You wish you break free
But you keep wishing
You can be a better you
Still not enough for the dears
It is hard to be a woman sometimes
So much is expected from you
It is hard to be me
There is no place to fit in
Perfectionism and competition
Isolating myself away from expectations
Away from the ones I thought I loved
I will never be enough
Appreciation and care
I cannot see them
I cannot see the authenticity
What are you hiding behind your sweet words?
Are they truly you,
Or just a phase?
Was I a phase?
Were they just a phase?
I cannot get the hang of things
I cannot think straight
Only tears are there
Don’t open your wounds again
Keep tight
Keep them in
I will never be inline
I better hide
I know you care
Maybe it is just me
I won’t dare
To be vulnerable again
I cannot afford
To cry in front of you
It is just the way I am
It was accepted
But the outside world is tempting
Why would you not choose her?
I know you tried
But you failed
I was the next
But you wanted her
And I cannot breathe at the thought
It is karma, maybe
I am tired of the pattern
Sick of familiarity
Transfer me into whole other dimensions
Where I can never be sick
Where I can never be mad at myself
For not being perfect
For not being good at everything
I am free when I am alone
But I want to be free around you
Protected from your selfishness and your ego
Or just leave me on my own