I am a person who is always driven by sadness and emotions, especially love, until college. I was not even interested in reading, let alone writing.
I was only laser Focused on my studies. The only hobby I was interested in since I was a kid was photography. And the music was, and still actually, one of the ways I used to cope whenever things get unbearable, but never thought of writing.
One day myself and my friend were at my friend’s house, and I saw them discussing the books they read, suggesting, borrowing, and lending books to each other, I sat there listening to them and the thought immediately popped up in my head I want to start reading too.
Reading helps a lot along the to writing or being inspired to write.
When Has It All Begun?
In my last year of college, I fell in love; it was my real and first love story, things before that were just me crushing on people who were never by any means interested in me, it was always one-sided, and I knew that it is all in my mind and it would not take long till I get over it.
But that time was different. I met someone, and it was mutual and I fell so hard so quick and it felt so real. It was the first time I experienced intense emotions such as love. It was so new to me.
He was one of the nicest men you can ever come across. My feelings for him were strong, that I started telling everyone that I have finally found my soulmate.
He was a photographer, and back in 2016, he told me that his company would send him to a remote area outside the country, and he most likely would not call me because of the lack of coverage.
He told me he would be gone for like 2-3 months, so this was shocking to me because since we have been together we never parted nor have I spent any day without speaking to him, and back then I had attachment issues and I was fairly young so it was a hard pill for me to swallow.
Why Did I Start Writing?
After he had gone on his trip, the first two days were unbearable. I couldn’t handle him being away from me for that long, so I had to find a way to cope because it was going to be at least 90 days.
Sadness and love were overflowing inside my body. I reached a point where I didn’t know how to deal with myself, so one day I opened the notes app on my iPad. And wrote a title “Days Without You” and these were my very first words. I wrote my dairies in a form of a conversation with him to tell him about my day and how I was feeling, it soon shifted not only things that happened in the day or feelings but also thoughts about myself the world, people, and things around me.
I liked it. It gave me a sense of relief that I still could talk with him and whenever he came back, I would send them to him to read.
My notes app was filled, until suddenly one day I got a text from him, saying he was able to find a way to contact me.
Where Are These Notes?
These notes are my biggest loss of all time, they were all erased, and lots of memories went along with them, it has been over 6 years now, and it would have been nice to go back and read them, but it is what it is I guess.
His trip and therefore his absence unlocked something in me I would not have ever known existed, so all the words I am writing now go in favor of him.
Sadly, he is no longer among us today, but I am sure he is in a better place. May his soul Rest In Peace.