In His Deathbed

In your memory,
Your soul is screaming behind my ears,
Don’t worry I have not forgotten you,
Never will.

I was your last speech 
In your deathbed.
you talked about us
our fantasies 
And about our dreams.

You loved me.
You truly did?
I did not know until you’ve gone
Forever to be.

I loved you but I couldn’t go on.
you were left fighting on your own. 
And I did not know.
I did not until you’ve gone.

No Garry, you are not telling the truth.
But Garry knew better, 
he saw him with the moon.

He left you his necklace, Garry said.
But I lost it so I can’t send it to you.
I felt guilty because I was not sad enough. 

Instead, I was numb.
I lost You.

He asked Garry to be with me.
But I didn’t open the door for him to be. 

I told him, no I can’t be yours.
I am struggling with a love
That’s leaving me among the storms.

Garry Thought, you didn’t deserve to be in his last speech. 

Garry left. 
You’ve gone.
Another love could not go on.

I was left with emptiness. 
I tried to fill it with feathers
That are not mine.
So I was left with more emptiness 
Constantly trying to fill it
With feathers
That are not mine. 

In the memory of you, 
In your deathbed 
what does it mean 
to be the last person you talked about 
before you meet God?
What does it mean?

Oh, God,
Let life leave me
so I can know
so I can see.
It is tiresome here.
The effect he had on me
is still alive.
I am aware now,
I can never heal.

Hey you,
Are you somehow clenching on me from up there,
So I can never go on?
Are you sending me singles?
Are you watching over me?
You are not proud of what I have become, don’t you?
You left me here,
but I left you first.
and I can never heal.

In his deathbed,
he said my name,
then he traveled up there,
and I am still here,
with his soul swirling around me.
I can never go on.

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Peaceful Creature.

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