As I was scrolling through my old photos, I have found a one I took of my profile, it was 2 years ago. I decided to go and take the same photo from the same angle, to see if there would be any differences that happened to me in the past 2 years, I put them together side by side in the layout app. And what I found was outrageous at least to me.
My Eyes.
The dark circles around my eyes have grown rapidly, the little fats that filled the surrounding area are now gone.
I stare at the two photos, shocked.
Something definitely is not right.
I have not lost weight in the past two years nor I took some serious medication.
Something is eating me from the inside and out. My body can’t help but showing me the signs of the war that is being held inside of it.
It was early morning; I put the phone down and went about my day, but I kept thinking about it. I tried to let go, but I couldn’t help but collapse by the end of the day.
Tears and thoughts.
Speaking and wondering.
Replaying what happened In the past two years, 2018, 2019.
2018, was something is now not worth mentioning.
2018, was a loose of someone.
2018, was a serious disease.
2019, was another serious disease.
2019, was a close call of losing a loved one.
2019, was striving over someone.
2019, anxiety and insomnia.
2019, was a hurt.
2019, was a letdown.
2019, was a disrespect.
I did not realize that I took the burden of it all on myself and on my body until it couldn’t bear it, My body started to eat itself from the inside to keep going and to stay alive.
The general theme of these past 2 years and 2020 is stress. How can I get away? This body can’t thrive under a huge amount of pressure soon enough it will be demolished.
Is this now my destiny?
Will I ever be healed?
Will I be able to turn things around?
Will I find God again?
Some questions remain unanswered.
Others don’t even have an answer.
I believe I will just keep on floating in this universe. With Storm and thunder crash down on me, with warm sun and breeze lighten up the atmosphere.
And I will just keep on floating.
With my eyes closed or opened.
With tears escaping and transforming into sparks in the air.
With my empty hands swimming and free.
I will just keep on floating.
I hope I don’t continue declining.
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