She is tired, tired of trying so hard and running after the things she wants while watching them running away from her.
It is tough to reshape her mind into a new way of thinking, as it is already addicted to one path of thoughts. A path is full of fogs she can’t see.
It is a one-way road, her mind is always forcing her to walk until she falls to the ground, wounded by powerful winds and extreme cold, but her mind keeps on forcing her to get up, but it was just a matter of time till she falls back again.
This cycle continues on repeating itself until she becomes nothing but a useless body with a full-of-life, full-of-hope soul.
She lost all of her stored energy. No returning. It is either stopping it completely or keeping on walking this endless road that had no signs to guide her along the way.
Hope suddenly showed up and gave her a small bottle of water to help her get going, but the water ran out, only a single drop left.
Few days have passed till hope showed up again with a magical wand that healed some of her scars, she kept on walking for a few hours, but she ended up falling again, the healed wounds couldn’t stand against the harsh weather, they opened up again and became even more exposed than ever before.
She became addicted to hope, addicted to that thing which gave her the less is possible; she was not aware that hope costed her life in return.
Some ghosts who were wearing a white cloth showed up and tried to heal her, but their effect on her was meaningless, she can see them but she can’t feel them. She scared them away, but she did not choose to. It wasn’t her mistake. Other ghosts appeared, they were wearing a red like blood cloth, there were many of them, they cause hurt intentionally from time to time then disappeared.
She sat on the hot yet so cold ground, looking at the sky and watching the clouds moving and getting closer together. It is about to rain. Would the rain wash away all that happened in her journey on this road or would it make things worse? Why would the rains work in her favor, anyway?
Everything was much of struggles; The simplest things are causing a true pain.
She believed, but she also doubted.
She misses the word “Effortless”.
She did not mind walking that tough road; she didn’t mind the atrocious weather. But she minded causing hurt intentionally, she minded lies; she minded misunderstanding. It was not supposed to be that way. It is meant to be a hard journey, but it is not meant to kill her alive. She is close to being done, done with herself and her life. She thought how settling death would feel, but only if there wasn’t an afterlife. She needed an Infinite rest.
No CONFLICTS, no FIGHTS, and no ESCAPING.
Her tears and the rains fell, they got combined. Dropped in her face then to the ground. She always loved the sound of the rain, but not this time, this time the rain sounded scary, she developed fears along in her journey on this road that even the most thing she loved frightened her. Things got worse. Things were depressing.
The life, the cave,
And what she lived.
The love, the hate,
with what all she lost.
Despite the hardship she was going through, it was a source of inspiration. It was a motivation that encouraged me to create more.
Art never comes from happiness.Chuck Palahniuk, Choke.
She found a piece of paper in her pocket with a pen attached to it. She began to write, sung her favorite song. The sound of the rain leveled up to make a perfect melody.
She wrote her thoughts and feelings; It was so releasing to let them out under the rain. The paper and her clothes were soaking wet. She did not walk again.
She slept on the ground for a little while. Until a leaf fell down on her head, she shook it away but the wind kept on returning the leaf back to her until it fell in between her hand. she sat and checked it curiously; there were words written on it.
“One day at a time” the leaf.
If she took life one day at a time. without thinking on a large scale. Only just one day a time. Maybe things would be less stressful. Scars from the past probably will remain. but what matters is today.
What matters is the present moment. The sun showed up, her shadow followed her wherever she goes, a dark version of her, that disappeared as the sun sinks in the horizon. No matter how close the shadow is to her, it never lasts anyway; it comes and goes. just like everything else. They come and they go.
She looked up at the sky and watched the rainbow.
She got up, resume her walk, and began to whisper to herself: one day at a time, one day at a time…