Over the past few years, things have changed, herself and her life. She believed in people and she believed in love and goodness. But things did not work out 100 percent as she hoped for.
That is when she found out she was living in lies. It took a lot of tears, bleeding, and pain, but also lots of prayers asking God to let his mercy fall upon her, and to allow her to find the truth.
She did find the truth, she always does.
But the journey to the truth was not easy, she did not know whether she chose this journey herself or it chose her. In fact, it did not matter. What mattered was that she lived and went through it until she reached the end.
The Journey/Before the Truth
It was just pain, she did not believe that the sweetest things could be painful, so she tried to find the good within them, that is when she became addicted, without being aware of what was awaiting her and how things can suffocate her from behind.
It was refusing to let go, Because no one loves to let go of what they believe is right, it is human nature. No matter how illogical it might be, some people are ready to fight and live their lives based on what they always believe.
It felt like a jail, not the one some people are sent to for breaking the laws. It is a physiological jail; she built it herself and trapped her soul, her heart and her mind inside, she has not even thrown away the keys instead she gave it to the angel who later became a no one.
It was living in a dark, scary cave. She saw only darkness while being aware of what she was missing outside.
“It is worth the wait.” she said to herself.
Knowing The Truth
Shocking news. Everything was a lie. She laughed in disbelief, She did not believe at first but as time went and after she has become sure of how things were, she was forced to accept. Truth hurts, they say.
But it also relives.
Make me a price if you dare
Make me promises you won’t regret
Lie, lie, lie
My windows, white lies
You go further in your fear industry
Built on nothing
But lies, lies. – Elena Tonra, Liar.
Knowing the truth was not as painful as she thought, but what painful was realizing that she spent a good amount in her lifetime in a fake world.
End of The Journey/After The Truth
Relief. Comfort. Learning. Accepting, all combined with fear.
She is now scared of what the future might bring. Now, she is way too fragile to tolerate another pain, but pain and though moments are a crucial part of our life, we cannot skip through nor we cannot choose them.
At the same time, she was contained by a secure place, she let herself inside, she let it help. and it did generously without complaining. It helped her stand up again and accepted her the way she is. Maybe this place has the real golden tree she was always looking for, she did not know it was right in front of her eyes.
No matter how narrow and suffocating life might feel, there are always open doors for you.
And again, the future seems unclear and foggy, but she is trying not to lose the joy of the present for the sake of future uncertainty.