Humans are meant to socialize, communicate, and to interact with each others. Getting to know new people can be exciting, and actually beneficial for our brains, especially if we find an immediate connection with them, but it is not as simple, we can be honest, but sometimes it is difficult to find those who are as honest and as transparent we are.
Especially with social media that is meant to make communicating “easier” yet at times it is making it more difficult and making us overthink our relationship with people sometimes.
Here I have collected 9 mistakes we make when meeting a new person, It is not that we pretend something we are not; it is just gaining experience so we can act better and save ourselves from harmful ones.
Letting Them In Right Away
When you feel the good vibes when your intuition tells you YES. You tend to go all in. You tend to move things quickly with that stranger you just knew because you think it feels right, the person is right.
Unfortunately, while it is amazing to have this energy towards a person, but it can be deceiving, and you might find yourself in the middle of nowhere with that person when things don’t go as expected.
You might find yourself in a desert after you had let them in and opened up to them more than you should in such a short period of time.
Being Available 24/7
There is nothing wrong with being there for someone, there is nothing wrong with seeing their text and replying in the same minute they sent it. There’s nothing wrong with that.
But in today’s society, this action represents itself as naiveness. The new norm is people see your text after a day, reply in a week, and never get back to your missed call on their phone.
I am not saying you should incorporate a new habit of replying to your phone after ages; it is yes the normal now, but that does not mean it is the right way of communicating with people.
What I am trying to say is that you should receive what you give, in another way, if a person reciprocates and is as interested as you, that is cool, but if you are trying to be 24/7 available for a person who replies to your text after a few days, then it will be toxic and it will hurt you in the long run.
Confessing Feelings Way Too Early.
It is tempting, especially if we suffer from issues at home, work, or within ourselves. We tend to fall for the person who shows interest, who tells us we are valued, who tells us nice words, and helps us in our daily obstacles.
Catching feelings will happen, and it is normal, but confessing them is not the smartest thing to do, especially if you are only one or two months in with knowing a person.
Why it is to better not to confess or to wait
- These feelings are likely not real, you developed them just because you needed them, but not necessarily because you love them. Love builds itself with time and effort, give yourself some time until you are certain.
- You don’t know the person very well. Most people don’t show their true colors within the first or the second month, you need to know that person very well, go through experiences with them to be able to determine if your feelings are true or not.
- You might be just desperate or infatuated. Well, you might like the person, and if you show them that, they might be on the same page and hopefully work hand in hand to know if what you both are feeling is real. But it is not always that way, nor as simple. Be honest with yourself don’t let the flames of these feelings blind you, time always helps with these things, you will eventually determine what is real and what is not.
Ignoring The Red Flags
What if the person you just knew shows the same red flags as the person who has been toxic to you in the past?
Will you continue? Will you give them excuses? You will probably do, especially if that person became someone special to you.
You will stay and help to fix them you will hope they are better, you will think it is just a phase they are going through. You will tolerate these red flags because you thought they are better than the ones before, you will give them a chance because you are tired of leaving and of starting all over again with someone else (“That if they ever show up in your life,” you might think.), you will tolerate because you don’t want to be alone again, you will tolerate because you probably have started to like them.
Did they lie to you about who they were? Or did you lie to yourself about who they were?
Unknown.
Eventually, you will find yourself drained of your energy, feelings. And they will be okay, but you will be left like a soldier after he had lost his war, wounded, injured, and left in the nothingness.
They Are Nothing Like You
Differences are crucial so are similarities, if you find yourself with a person who is completely different like a 100% different, The things you like and the places you love to visit, your morals and everything else are from two different Dimensions, no similar interest whatsoever, then you will find yourself sacrificing your own interests in order to blend with them.
So you show interest in the things they love (which you maybe hate) for the sake of being with them, and they in return make zero effort to know or share your interests with you.
Then you are wasting your time, your effort, and again you will find yourself over time empty with a lost identity if you continue with them.
Ignoring Their Activity On Social Media
Do they share racist posts and find them okay and funny? Do they flirt with people and excessively like their photos (Mostly Nudes) comment on it with flirty words/emojis, send them DMs, and so on? Do they accept other people’s opinions or just go with insulting them?
Social media can be a mirror of what a person truly is from the inside. Some people on social media just stay neutral but for others, their Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter can be a good reflective of their personalities.
Not Being Aware Of The Personality Shift
If at the beginning they appear as something and after a few months or a few weeks of knowing you they show up as a completely different person. That is something you should consider thinking about.
I understand that not everyone shows their true colors in such a short period of time, but there could be some signs they left here and there that show that the person they are trying to be is not real.
And if you with a person who shows their true colors with you, don’t be afraid to confront them and explain your point to them, allow them to explain why they began to act differently. and if there is no hope and things start to get unhealthy for you, don’t be afraid of walking away with explaining your reasons why.
It’s important to recognize that not everybody needs to be in our lives. We’re going to come across people who we realize might not be healthy for us, and you have to be okay with letting them go.
business insider.
It is painful, but staying will eventually be too.
Setting Expectations
Our generation is cursed by perfectionism, not only on how we look but also in our relationships with people. We expect them to be heavenly creatures; we expect them to treat us in a certain way (Like how Disney/Movies has taught us.)
But we don’t come with a manual guide for people to read and see how they are supposed to be around us.
In the end, we are humans. Accepting and loving are what unite us and are essential to build healthy relationships.
That does not mean that you should settle for the ones who treat badly and say to yourself that you should accept them. What I am trying to say is that our expectations sometimes exceed the limits and sometimes are hard to achieve, this can lead to dissatisfaction as time goes by.
The best act is free yourself from these exceptions, live and let others live.
You Are Constantly Afraid to Lose Them/Leave You
You go out of their way; you go quick with them; you tell them every detail of your life to show that you trust them; you share their interests with them; you confess feelings too early; you ignore the red flags you might be doing everything because you are afraid to lose them; you are afraid that they might leave you, so you do everything to make them hold on onto you as much as you hold onto them.
The bad news is that even if you are a descended angel if they want to leave, they will. Nothing will stop them.
Don’t be afraid of losing, don’t be afraid of loneliness. If they are meant to stay, they will.
Conclusion
Yes, you might have been hurt, which sometimes can make you scared of forming relationships with new ones, I totally get it, but I bet you still have hope of trying again, and of finding true ones who will accept and love you.
But you should be smart about it. While you can not entirely avoid being hurt, but at least you can now distinguish that bad from the good, and do the best you can to stay away from what can possibly hurt you.
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