Since I have jumped into social media, if I take a screenshot of every time a guy asked me for a photo or why I don’t have more photos of myself, the article will be filled with endless screenshots, you would begin to lose count of them.
Of course, there are guys who understand without me even explaining to them, but they are a few over the course of the years, but the majority just keep on asking.
I tried to search for answers on the web, but I found nothing because it is the norm to upload selfies for you on your social media. So I believe a few people face the same issue.
At first, I used to think that this question was offensive, like if you look at my Instagram page and found almost no photo of me then that is a clear reason on its own not to ask me for one, well that is what I used to think.
But as time goes by, I began to accept it, especially with people whom I never met in real life. I shifted my thinking a bit. They do have the right to see whom they are speaking to.
Yet if a stranger messages me this question the second they first start a conversation with me, “Send a photo of yourself?” my gut finds it extremely uncomfortable and creepy.
I can’t know how guys think. Maybe they link to it to I am ugly, or I lack self-confidence, insecure, or that just because I’m a woman, so I’m only defined by how beautiful I’m or not.
I am still unsure.
One day a guy asked me “Why do you hide your face?”
“I understand your concern, but I’m just more comfortable that way,” I answered.
“It is not a concern, actually; it is more of a curiosity,” He said.
So is it just about curiosity?
But if it is just about curiosity, why would another guy whom I was friends with for a long time kept asking me to send photos, despite that he used to see me almost every day, and acted childish if I say no?
Another stranger messages me good morning and the next very question was why I don’t have photos? If the fact that I don’t have photos bother you so much, why did you decide to text me in the first place?
Another guy thought that I’m struggling with some sort of physiological issue, and tried to help me be more comfortable uploading my selfies online.
Well, I understand some men love to show the girl they are talking with to their friends and family, but that when they developed some kind of relationship or friendship, but a stranger?
Another guy told me it is just a virtual reality issue because in real life you automatically see the person before you even talk to them.
So if in “Virtual Reality” you don’t see the person why you decide to text them, or swipe right in case if it is a dating app.
Is it again curiosity?
Well, in case it is, it is not my responsibility to satisfy or to make them less curious.
If I decided to upload a selfie or send any person one, it is when I want to, not when you want me to.
The curious guy continued and said, “Maybe you are looking for those who are different who just want to see you as a person, not as just a face or a body.”
The thing is I will never know, one thing I learned about men is that they are very talented in masking their true intentions, so I will never know, I have got to like spend a load of time with them to actually know.
I would blame myself if I texted them first or like, force them by any means to talk with me. But the moment they ask for a picture and got none, that is when they lose interest, that when I got ghosted, and it is okay, but why you started it all in the first place? How come they are so sure of themselves that even when I have no picture of me on my feed, I would still send them one?
I am not writing this article to talk poorly about people’s behavior towards me; I am more of trying to understand them as much as I am trying to understand myself.
So I will end this article by asking myself, it is ironic I know, that the most hated question I ended up asking to myself, Why I don’t upload photos of myself?
The answer is, I don’t know.
Or the reasons are just too deep and long to be answered to such a normal question.
The answer is in my head, roaming around. Maybe they are related to issues or traumas I have dealt with in the past, or the reason could be simpler, it is just because I don’t want to.
But with listing all the reasons, people got to understand that these are my issues and my face, Let’s say I might be insecure, it is still my issue to deal with you got no right to shame me for being insecure or shame me because I did not do what you want.
If you are one of the guys who asked me for a photo and ended up reading this article, please, don’t feel attacked, or offended, or on the contrary think that my head is full of shit, some of you were really understanding.
As I have said, you truly have all the right to see whom you are speaking to, but if I say that I am not comfortable with that, then you are very welcome not to accept that too because I understand some people can’t talk with others without knowing what they look like. That is when we know there is no point of keep on talking because we are on different pages and you are welcome to leave or even silently ghost me, it is all good.
When the curious guy asked me if I was just looking for someone who is different. I answered him “I am not looking for someone different, I am just looking for people who understand and respect my decision they are welcomed to leave afterward if that does not suit them because I simply respect people’s boundaries, but I won’t accept for my limits to keep on being pushed or to shame or being mean on an issue that is related to me not them.”
And as I am writing this, I felt grateful for meeting those who expressed their acceptance and understanding from the very beginning, even if they end up leaving.
I ended up writing this article because it was such a frequent event in my life that was too hard to leave unwritten, but I know this question will always be asked until well I upload a photo of myself.
Or not…?
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