My mind is either empty or busy with stuff that hinders me from focusing on what is important.
I want to always find inspirational ideas to write about; I want to be always on the go, creating.
But in order to be creative, you have to feed it first, with life experiences, constantly learning, and being away from distractions.
I am always distracted, my focus is always shifted to something else. Sometimes I give things more thinking than they deserve, that I find myself in the end with this empty mind that cannot create anything.
It takes a lot of effort to open a blank page and start writing. Sometimes I just open it, stare at it and then close everything because I feel so helpless it hurts that I don’t want to even acknowledge it.
Sometimes I find an idea, but I only find myself with one paragraph, then I keep telling myself, only if I have more words, only if I am able to demonstrate it further to my readers without being boring.
Sometimes I read stories on medium.com and think, OMG how can they be so good, how can they cover the idea from every aspect possible?
I know comparing is the last thing I should do here, but sometimes you can’t help it, you just want to be that good and that consistent.
I wanted to write on Medium, but I asked myself “Will I be able to have that many ideas to talk about covering the needs of my blog and Medium stories?” The answer was no.
Another thing that is blocking me is my emotions. I found myself the most creative when I am sad, but whenever I am neutral or even happy, I find myself lost that I even forgot how to hold the pen.
Sometimes I find my hands just run on the keyboard non-stop, then in a matter of half an hour, I found myself with 1000+ words. It is like a river of words run on a slip. that happened only whenever I go through atrocious experiences or am just sad.
And this article here is an example, I am neutral with just a hint of sadness. It is been maybe half an hour now and I could not even reach the 400 words mark. I write a paragraph and squeeze my head to find more ideas to write about the next one.
My biggest pet peeve is that when you read through my articles, you could not find them relatable or feel your feelings as you read through them.
No one is interested in that, no point in sharing.
But I end up publishing it anyway, not because I am stubborn, but because I want to cherish my work.
Ahmed Khaled Tawfik once wrote that he has a notebook always in his pocket so he can write the ideas that pop suddenly inside his head because they can easily evaporate if you don’t write them down,
The second reason If you are observant, you could be inspired to write about what’s going on around on in a form of small ideas, for example, something you saw, people around, the words they say, their actions, he writes everything down and actually saves it to a folder in his laptop so whenever he feels stuck he can come back to these notes and find ideas to get inspired by.
Sometimes after he coming back to these notes, some did not make sense, and others he just could not understand, but he wrote great things out of some of these ideas.
So I did accordingly I bought a notebook and started to write down the thoughts that suddenly show up inside of my head. I wrote down the things that may seem unusual or just different.
I find myself coming back to it, but it only became a pile of memories that remind me of a certain time in my life but not many inspirational ideas to write a whole article about.
For now, I am here writing after all, and I ended up with this article. Writing itself may help to acknowledge how you feel and actually help you find a breakthrough. It is all messy in our minds and writing things down can help organize things a bit, and break down each thought.
But I do hate feeling stuck. Maybe I need to work on myself. Maybe it is normal, maybe it is just a phase, no matter how long or short it might last.
Not knowing the reason confuses me sometimes, and that is actually why the idea of seeing a therapist has been going inside of my head for quite a while, so I ended up with several therapy sessions that helped me in finding some answers, but the more I find answers the more questions pop up.
Therefore, I still seek guidance on my road. It is just an ongoing process that will never end.